you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
