I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
