I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
