im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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