You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
