Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
