sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
