Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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