Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i will never coherently bang her
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
