My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
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