i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
