I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
