I cannot find my penis.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
