You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
