never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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