Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
