the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
