That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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