You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
