god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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