Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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