Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
