awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We are two peas in an std pod
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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