I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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