If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
