Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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