Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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