White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
