im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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