Jerry, you need to find god
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
