We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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