today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
