I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
