Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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