I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
