Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
