I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Floor bacon is actually really good
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
