I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i think my cat just said my name.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
