I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I enjoy the company of your penis
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
