my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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