i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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