Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
