I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
