im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
