She's JV to your varsity
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
false alarm. still invincible.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
