Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
