i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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