i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
