So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
