It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
