Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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