Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
