Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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