I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
